Regarding: Painting

imageI spent most of the weekend repainting my office.  Envision a granny smith apple.  And then vomit that color all over some pretty big (and well-lit) walls.  That is what I was trying to cover up.  The new color was inspired by the color of the water in Turks and Caicos (coming soon to a travel related post).

In between bouts of painting and fume-induced light-headedness, I went to a baby shower accompanied by a good friend.  And her 7 month old baby.  She is my FAVORITE 7 month old.  Ok, she is the only 7 month old I know right now, but she is still my favorite. She has a fantastic older brother, but he didn’t come to the shower.

I am often amused by the ideas of those around me regarding why I don’t have kids.  1. I must not like kids.  I don’t dislike all children.  I don’t like all children either.  In the same way that I don’t like all adults.  I like children I know and have relationships with.  2. I don’t think I would be a good mother.  I think I would be a great mother.  I would throw myself into it 100%, like I do with everything I tackle. There is a shadow of truth to things around sleep, money, travel, sex, etc.  But mostly, I just don’t want to.  I don’t want to give up, even a little, all of the other things that bring me joy in life.  I feel I would be giving up more than I would get back.  And that is just my truth.

I have found what is, for me, a perfect balance.  I can have children in my life without actually having to produce and raise them myself.  I can enjoy spending time with them, seeing them grow and also sending them home.  Thank you to my friends that have taken on the larger commitment so that I can enjoy your children!


About nfoste2245

I am approaching 40 and have been married since my early 20's. I have become more than a little frustrated with having to answer incredibly personal questions about my choice to not have children. It is apparently taboo to talk about religion and politics, but confronting me about my reproductive choices is fair game. It is not a choice I made alone, quickly or lightly. My husband and I made it together. I am not "withholding" children or grandchildren from anyone. There is an astonishing lack of understanding over the idea that it is an actual choice, to have a child or not. There is also an amazing lack of support, discussion and resources for those like me, that have made the choice. This is not a blog for kid-haters, or mocking people for having kids. It is a place where we can talk about living full lives, without kids, and without guilt.

Posted on August 16, 2011, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. Bethany Chavis

    I love your honesty and envy you in many ways. I wouldn’t give up my brood, because I love them to pieces but now value every second of me time. And believe me, it seems to just come in spurts, (meaning a second here or there.)

    • Thanks! I will admit there are times I envy you and others with kids as well. Putting on those big backpacks and watching them wait at the bus stop is TOO cute. I am very lucky that I can watch my friends kids do all of those things.

  2. your reasons are almost exactly like mine, Nicole. I have one or two others myself, but essentially, you’ve hit the nail on the head of it for me as well. Do you explain it to your friends that way? I’ve gotten the “it’s very selfish not to have kids”. Yes, yes it is. And being selfish isn’t always a bad thing. There is an overpopulation problem in our world. The world will not miss me having one or two children. :-\

    • I tell my friends (and others) that I don’t feel like there is anything missing in my life. I am not trying to fill some empty hole. I have a full life, dote (obsess) on my animals, volunteer my time, love my husband and spend lots of time with friends. If there is nothing missing, why change anything?

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